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Steve

Failure Part 2

Got drawn in by the title didn't you?  I had an epiphany in the car as I was thanking God for the day at work and praying for wisdom and asking for direction in life.......then it freakin' hit me.

Near the beginning of the day, I got some bad news at work (a deal that I'd put a lot of time and effort into was getting shot down by a lead decision maker).  This thing made sense to me...how on earth didn't it make sense to someone much more intelligent and experienced in the business than I?

I forgot to pray a quick prayer at that time (asking God for patience, resolve, understanding), looking back, and simply went into anger mode and deep business-focused Steve mode that a few people have known or seen in the past.  It was time to solve this problem.  Deep in focus, tunnel-vision, like a horse with blinders I pressed forward to address the issue and make it work the way I wanted it to work.  By the end of the day, I convinced the guy that this is a deal worth pursuing afterall--ended up taking some more analysis and some more direct communication to our internal decision maker as to why this deal made sense...............What a victory!

Next thing I know I'm in my car at 5:25p thanking God for the great day at work (I was convincing in my argument today, etc.).  Today was the first time I realized that I knowingly put the burden on my own shoulders and didn't ask for resolve and patience and understanding of the situation from our Creator.  

Plenty of times, I've subconciously put the anger and burden on my own shoulders and passionately pursued forward in anger, without asking God for wisdom.  Today, however, it hit me that I didn't even consider putting my mind on God when I was dealing with a situation in which anger was my first reaction.  

If I would have prayed a prayer before I reacted in anger, would that prayer have made me any more convincing or less convincing in my argument to make this loan?  Doubtful.  Would God have magically enter my mind and said "Son, I'm here....Write these words down....I'll handle the rest."  Not likely.  

Praying today before my anger would have probably created one of those pat on the back "It's okay pal" type spiritual feel good situations.  My anger probably still would have followed.  

I consider today a spiritual failure for a couple of reasons--1) I didn't seek God in my time of anger 2) I didn't realize until 7 or 8 hours later that I didn't seek God and I fought ahead without Him.

It's one of those bone-headed feelings of simple stupidity as to why I never thought of this before.  Today He made me realize that the next time I get consciously angry...to chill....it's okay...relax.

He's always near, always has a plan, just needs me to live that plan.  Lesson learned.  

Failure successful.
Rick

Steve,

What you have shared here is so real and remains our (or for sure my own) greatest struggle in learning to walk by faith.

Walking by faith is easy when you have no other way to walk, but walking by faith in an area of personal skill or giftedness, that is most difficult.  Cain was probably a very good "tiller of the field".  I don't have an answer, only affirmation of the struggle.

However, when I forget my moment by moment need to walk by faith and I fail, I more readily understand the struggle of the Israelites in continually returning to idolatry.
Steve

Rick--I agree.  It's so easy to forget the moment by moment need to walk by faith.  Why is it so difficult?  As part of our accepting Christ, walking by faith, and learning the eternal perspective we should be thinking of Christ every moment....we simply don't.  

Even with the holy spirit present, we get distracted by our selves, our struggles and our accomplishments.  No wonder God won't give us success when we're unable to receive that success with a humble heart.  If we're already having trouble walking by faith, why would God create further distractions (like success we're not ready to handle)?  Our hearts and minds probably have to be right before God says "you're ready".  

I think we can learn a lot from each other's struggles as it helps remind us of our simple sinful nature and how we need to continually pursue drawing nearer to God.

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If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. --C. S. Lewis